Are you ready for SNO-MAGEDDON? (wasn't that a SyFy Original movie?).
Let me start by saying, my intention is not to pick on any particular person or group. The purpose of my blog today is to simply make some observations and then further the agenda of a long standing consipiracy theory of mine (hey, at least I'm honest).
FIRST THE OBSERVATIONS:
--WEATHER is and always will be THE #1 thing we, as people talk about. Not war, religion, sports or celebrities....WEATHER!
--Whether it's 1 inch or 3 feet of snow, (in honor of Daniel Day Lewis) THERE WILL BE ACCIDENTS!
--It's snowing, NOT RAINING FIRE!
--If it's snow, chances are it's cold....dress for the weather. Sensible clothes, sensible shoes (because it's slippery too). Don't be one of those folks who slept through 4th grade science when we learned at what temperature water freezes (and boils) to go outside in shorts and a tank top and then remark, "SNO-M-G ...it's cold outside".
--Why is a snow storm shopping list made up of BREAD, WATER AND BATTERIES? Not that I want to come across as a fat, drunk--but my list is a WHOLE LOT DIFFERENT. I'm grabbing Oreos (and milk), Doritos and then hitting the ABC store. Okay, I guess I'll get candles and matches.
Now, for my long standing conspiracy about the weather. First the logical party of the conspiracy. I think we can all agree that weather is not an exact science. With that said, if this were sun or rain we were talking about days out--human nature tells us to take a "I'll believe it when I see it attitude". However, we have trouble doing that with snow. A week out, when that 4 letter word is first used by our favorite source for weather, we go into a combination of panic and survival mode. It's because of this, that the conspiracy exists. It is my belief that weather outlets (Accuweather, Weather Channel, Weather Bug, etc) receive a 'benefit' or 'kickback' from grocery and hardware stores. What do they need to do in return to earn this.....do what they do best....PANIC THE PUBLIC. There is a point where we have to use common sense and be prepared and then there is a point where we simply forget all we've ever learned about snow and our only, single minded goal, is to buy as much bread, water and batteries as we can....LIKE THE ZOMBIES ARE COMING! If you think I"m WAYYYY of base....i invite you to go to your favorite grocery store.....NOW...HURRY...BEFORE ALL THE BREAD IS GONE!
You may have heard the old expression about "A Candle that burns twice as bright lasts only half as long". Unfortunately, Whitney Houston was the latest to teach us this lesson.
Let me take you back to 1991 and my very first airshift on 102.1 WZEA (Seacoast 102.1) in Hampton, NH. I had been in radio about a year and this was my 'first big break'. It was a Saturday afternoon shift and I was a nervous, hot mess. I just hit play on the CD deck and Whitney Houston's song, "I Wanna To Dance With Somebody" started. This was it, in about 4 minutes, I was going to have to do my first ever live radio break. It was the longest 4 minutes of my life. My heart was racing, my palms were sweating .....WHAT ON EARTH WAS I GOING TO SAY. I didnt' want to sound like a rookie..I wanted to do my best...I didn't want to sound nervous........
...and it was the break that started my on air career....and I am remembering it sadly today. Yeah, I'm sad for Whitney's family and friends....but I'm more sad that this is another example of a CANDLE BURNING TWICE AS BRIGHT AND HALF AS LONG. Whitney is another example of GOD given talent....wasted. However, the worst part for me is how most people don't want to address the ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM. Whitney wrecked her voice after years of abusing it in the 'fast lane'. Where were her friends and family...why was there not more of an effort for intervention?? So many questions..........we see this all the time in the entertainment world....I've seen it happen to radio friends (R.I.P. Christian Paul...your laughter is missed) ....and everytime I'm wondering 2 things. Are we ever gonna get it....and who's next?
From time to time, it's important to remind ourselves of those little nuggets, the gems, the pearls of wisdom that have guided man (and woman) since the dawn of time. Stuff like:
--Don't stand up in a canoe
--Don't' spit into the wind
--Let sleeping dogs lie
--Grass is always green on the other side of the fence
--Look both ways before crossing the street
--Take your hat off during the National Anthem
We're all familiar with those right? But how about some of the lesser known once......(Most of them I made up) ....LIKE:
--Every so often use a sentence with the word TWADDLE!
--Always have a place to hide the body
--Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweatty things.
--Never spill punch on your date at the Junior Promo
--Avoid therapy....ALWAYS knock!
--Not every animal "needs a hug"
--Double Tap....(use only during a Zombie Invasion)
I hope life is a little less complicated for you.....HAPPY THURSDAY!
...and here we are. WE knew it was coming. The official END of another season of football and the beginning of the countdown to the Draft, Training Camp, Pre-Season and the official start to another season. After the end of something, I think it's good to reflect on some of the questions we are left with. So here we go:
--Why is it the Superbowl feels SO MUCH different when you don't have a vested interest in either of the teams playing?
--Why are there so many beer ads on Super Bowl Sunday? I'm pretty sure by game time, the beverages menu has already been worked out.
--And why were so many of those beer commercials just so-so?
--Why in this country do we seem to have more riots about sports than we do religion? Thanks UMASS Amherst for another black eye on the sports world.
--Why are the Patriots fans SOOOOOO mouthy on Facebook before the game and SOOOOO quiet this morning?
--Why is it that an up and coming rapper feels the need to flip the bird during the halftime show of an icon? Safe to say that her career will be M.I.A.
--Why was there a goat running through my back yard yesterday and why is our first reaction when we see something like that, "IT MUST BE A SIGN"...LOL
--Why are the Coca-Cola polar bears so effective?
--Isn't amazing how the game mattered even less after the Ronald McDonald House commercial? (Which, may I ad, aired only once and still made more of an impact than most of the other commercials.
--CAN WE PLEASE do away with the GO DADDY ads....I find them cheap, pointless and insulting.
--Do you know how many days till the 2012 NFL Draft? 80 Days!
You ever have one of those moments where you wonder where the 'old you' went? Well, with Toby Keith singing in my head "....I as good once as I ever was" ...I had one of those moments on my way to work this morning.
In the pouring rain, there was this woman, jogging away. My first thought is not, good for her for excercising. I mean, don't get me wrong.....I'm a month into my new year's resolution--I've lost 10 pounds and found a couple of muscles I thought I lost. But my first thought was....Seriously lady, take the day off....it's raining.
Then I started thinking....What happened to the old me. I wasn't always this 'soft' .....I mean, without this sounding like braggin, I was as strong as an ox. I worked on the ocean as the stern man in a lobster boat off the coast of Maine in weather and seas that would make the Giants D cry for their mommy! I lanscaped in Florida in a heat index of 115 surrounded by bugs as big as my feet.
I'll stop there so this doesn't turn into one of those old man ramblings that begins with "When I was your age.......". But you get the idea....I was not a whimp by any stretch of the imagination. So there I was this morning ....watching that woman run in the rain ..think ..."Oh, No Way....not me....it better stop raining before I walk my 2 miles tonight".....
I can't make any promises, but that woman, more than half my age, may have inspired me....so the next time it's raining ....I might just leave the house ...brave the elements and do my 2 miles. Do me a favor though....if you hear me yelling, "I'M MELLLLTTIINNNGG" ...give the cops the desciption of that woman ...she was wearing ruby red sneakers....and I think she had a small dog with her too.
Brandy
